The kiss at minute seven is more than I can take. The love between this couple has a radius so big, you can’t help but fall in love. I am so happy that folks are brave enough to share these amazing images with the world so we can all see the beauty of birth. I feel privileged to be part of this awesome, sensual & intimate moment in time as a stranger peeking in to take a view. (Another awesome birth with my Midwife Kelli Johnson, btw.)
You are Maya Juniper Rose, a big big girl. You can go potty all by yourself. You say please and thank you. You know all your colors. And lots and lots of words too. You help me make yummy meals. We giggle all the time. You can put yourself to sleep. You don’t drink mommy’s milk anymore. Cause your a big big girl!
You hang out with Grandma Jackie and Mama Yuki too. Taiyo is your best friend and Willow and Lucas too. You love hummus and smoked salmon and drinking “tea” too. You are a little lady, so wise and sweet too. We are headed to the forest to hang out with the chickens and all our friends so we can celebrate the day when you came in!
Happy Birthday Big Girl! Mama loves you SO much. Thanks for watching your birth with me today, we had such good times remembering!
I’m at a loss for how to start. I’ve retyped an intro multiple times. Is it because my brain turned to mush several weeks back when my milk supply went wonky when I had strep? The hormones made me just as unintelligent and emotional as when my milk first letdown after Maya was born. Let’s hope this IQ setback doesn’t last as long as the first go-round….I had gotten used to being able to speak in complete sentences again, and was starting to take thinking for granted. Not so fast, eh?
It’s been an interesting month. As previously mentioned, I was down for the count with strep and upon resurfacing, I was feeling very grateful that Maya’s first overnight went so smoothly and looking forward to her dad taking more time with her so I could figure out a way to earn more income. That’s when he broke it to me that he’s decided to move to LA. In five days. Now, being the optimist, I see that it is probably better for her for a number of reasons I won’t go into publicly, and I imagine that whomever is lucky enough to be a true papa to her is going to be the most amazing thing to walk this earth since Pa from Little House on the prairie. Maya and I both deserve that, and I know he’s in our future, no sweat there.
But all that optimistic viewing did not solve my dilemma of how to pay the bills. It’s a very long story, also not one I am going to talk about publicly, but my income has dropped significantly and I could no longer afford my living expenses so I moved my belongings into storage this weekend and am house sitting some dear friends very cozy place for the next couple of weeks while I figure out my next move. I’ve got a couple of interesting options on the table and am toying with the idea of an extended road trip to visit various friends across the country or perhaps a huge advance on a book deal will come through complete with an all expense paid residency at some beautiful cottage in Switzerland to knuckle down and write it. Or maybe a work-stay in the forest. I’m open. Really – got any suggestions?
Here’s the deal…. I know this appears to be a fall, and have had one too many bouts of crying with the word homeless said far too many times, but I suspect that that’s just the milk supply-hormone’s turning me into a blubbery mess. I do have a better appreciation for how people, good people, ones who have done right by community, family and friends can slide into situations that leave them dependent on food stamps and cash assistance. This brush with financial poverty brings with it an opportunity to become more self-reliant, DIY and even more interdependent with my community of friends. So, after I wailed on a friend’s shoulder last week about how it just doesn’t seem right that I’ve done all this good and I’m not able to keep a roof over my child’s head…. I am breathing deeply, always grateful for the many people in my life who are there for me, and waking up to a new day to dream up a new ideal life for myself.
So, let’s do just that.
Ideal life: Waking up in the arms of a sexy in every way man who cooks breakfast while I cuddle in bed with Maya. We always have access to fresh, homegrown food, and find time to relish meals together. Our possessions are handmade. All of them. Either by us or someone we’ve traded with. We are surrounded by lush and vibrant nature often. Good music is plentiful. Creation is our way of life. We travel the world for pleasure. We have an eclectic and entertaining group of forward thinking friends who we play with on a regular basis. Maya learns from doing, relating, experiencing, being part of nature. So do I. Ours is a cultured life, full of good books, theater, live music, art – from down home to big city. We work, but according to our natural rhythm and creative passion. We live a simple life that doesn’t require a large income, but we have an abundance of money because we do what we love. This can happen in the mountains, in the city, across the country or the world. We could be in an eco-village, airstream, yurt, log cabin or renovated rail car. Even just a simple house. Or a combination of the above. Basically, a Little House on the Prairie situation, if we get down to it. The kind that has me falling asleep tumbled up in the arms of one very lucky sexy man after we’ve sung Maya to sleep.
And so it shall be.
Whoa, how time flies. Maya is almost 18 months old. She can talk – repeats almost every word I ask, says “please” and “thank you” even when I don’t request it, knows the color blue, she learned sign language from Yuki (which in turn taught me), knows all of her body parts, sings, dances, does this funny little walk when she’s being cute, loves cats and dogs and all sorts of animal, particularly the owl. She LOVES tea (herbal, of course) and wants to do it all herself, thank you very much. She understands everything and she remembers. She doesn’t know how to hop yet, but she tries. She calls all men she is fond of papa, and has three beautiful ladies besides me that she calls mama on occasion. She hangs out with her buddy Taiyo five days a week, they are like brother and sister and he totally looks after her and teaches her so much as he’s got 8 months on her. Taiyo’s beautiful mama plays with Maya while I am at work. I feel so blessed almost every second of the day for Maya, and all the rich connections she has helped bring into our lives.
I am SO happy. I understand so much more. I have this wonderful opportunity to love unconditionally, to teach and be taught. I have so many revelations and insights and shifts in perspective. I am unwinding from all the things I’ve been told and made judgments based on second hand knowledge. I am experiencing it all first hand now, and I know. I know. The mystery, the great silence, I have that now. There is no explanation, there is only experience.
Maya Juniper Rose, thank you. Self, thank you. We make such a nice family.
You will notice that I have not had a decent post here in awhile, but I have secretly been composing many of them in my head. The main running blog post title starts: ” I will not apologize…”
I’ve been woefully terrible at returning emails, texts, phone calls and even facebook messages. Important ones. Ones I really want to respond to, or ones that I never even saw, but wish I had because they fell below the fold and never crossed my gaze and now I have to scramble a little or just plain missin out on something going on that’s cool. But, I will not apologize because I am devoted to my Maya and she’s grown so fast that if I blink I might miss something. Lots of things.
And everyday I fall more in love, even today, when I’m four days straight feeling frustrated because I’m having to work more than usual, which keeps me up late, which makes me drink caffeine, which means Maya drinks caffeine. So, nap schedule gets messed up while teething is in full force and she took a little nibble at my boob and I was not so happy and she didn’t understand and I got mad at myself for drinking caffeine.
But she hummed along with me as I sang her to sleep tonight and I decided I must redeem myself as a good mama by sewing her a new dress. I took an old halter dress of mine, and forging ahead without a pattern, I was able to make two sweet little dresses for her, a hair scarf we can share and a new top for moi.
Thank goddess I don’t have twins is the first thing I think when I see them together.
Mission Accomplished, methinks.
It IS possible. I did it, I’ve met other women who have done it, and you can do it too! What makes a painless birth possible? Total lack of fear & deep trust in your body & self is the basic premise, getting to that state is the part that takes some deep work.
The essential elements of a painless birth (for me, anyway):
- Following the process outlined in the book Painless Childbirth
- Practicing self-hypnosis (I used Hypnobabies, but there are several programs out there)
- Being loved & supported, especially by my women friends
- A cooperative & well positioned baby
Today I had the opportunity to interview Giuditta Tournetta, author of Painless Childbirth (you can listen to that interview here) for an entire hour and we scratched the surface on the teachings that she will be bringing to Central Florida in September when she does a three day workshop for expectant parents & birth professionals. (For details on the workshop, please click here & tell your friends about it!) I’m stoked to be able to attend this with my gal Amber, who is due in early October.
The wisdom Giuditta has gathered through her years of doula work (and her own painless birth years ago) is of tremendous value to bringing the sacred back into birthing. She correlates each stage of development in the womb with a chakra & basic human right. Her insights are illuminating, healing, unique and very accessible to those who desire a more conscious birth experience.
I hope to see lots of you at the workshop so we can bring this wisdom into our birthing practices in Central Florida. If you register before 9/20, you will get $50 off.