So, I’m officially “halfway” today and the baby has been tumbling around in there like a little monkey. It’s so cool/freaky to feel something moving inside you like that. I wish I could report I’m feeling totally blissed out, but I had a really traumatizing run-in with someone last night that was so disturbing I ended up having conflict & violence ridden dreams all night. Shortly after I knew I was pregnant I got a book called the Single Girls Guide to Pregnancy (or something like that) and I remember reading her experience of judgmental folks chastising her for bringing a child into the world outside of wedlock, in direct contrast to their pro-life religious stance. I was like, man that sucks for her, but never imagined that I would be confronted with the same thing as I am typically and thankfully surrounded with very open-minded and supportive people.
Well, I ran into my first moral judge last night and was shocked by the coldness and viciousness of an attack I received for deciding to go through with the pregnancy when the father and I were not going to be together. After insinuating I somehow tricked some poor guy into impregnating me, he then wondered why I didn’t just have an abortion when I clarified it was not a planned birth and that I was concerned about other issue when it came to being in a relationship with the father. Neither of which was anybody’s business, of course, but I wasn’t talking to a stranger, I was at the tale-end of an otherwise pleasant conversation with someone I would have considered a friend. His vehement point was that every child should have a live-in father and for me to choose to have the baby without one was self-absorbed and narcissistic, that I wasn’t thinking about what was best for my child. Another friend nearby was very sweetly trying to stop the attack as others just looked on in horror at what they were witnessing. Obvious that my non-friend, wounded from his own past with his father, was projecting his own pain onto my situation, I told him what an insensitive jerk he was and hauled ass to my car, sobbing about the cruelty of man.
I’m still at a loss to account for another person’s ability to judge someone so harshly with so little knowledge and so little compassion for what a tough situation and decisions I have to make because of the less-than-social-ideal of a circumstance I am in. It’s one thing to have these opinions, it’s quiet another to verbally assault a pregnant lady. Why would anyone be so cruel as to suggest you should have had an abortion? At six months pregnant and already bonding with my little papoose, it’s unfathomable to me to suggest I should have terminated my child. The irony that he wasn’t taking into consideration what was best for my child (by deliberately upsetting me so) and his own self-absorption that allowed his father-child experience to override common decency did not go unnoticed. It is very interesting to observe how personal people take my pregnancy. I had to wake up this morning and make a list of all the supportive people in my life in order to eclipse this powerful encounter. Fortunately, the list is looong, and one immature boy isn’t getting in the way of my joy of pregnancy.