Am I nuts?

I know my thoughts on birthing are not common, which is one of the main reasons I started this blog. There is so much mis-information out there in our mainstream culture about the natural & normal process of birthing which is so disempowering, that my hope is that I can share some information that shows another side so that mama’s and papa’s out there can make empowered choices from a spectrum of options, instead of the narrow choices presented to us through mainstream consciousness.

So, with this knowing, it’s not surprising that I’ve gotten some flack recently for some of my views. A concerned family member told me I was nuts and should stop believing in orgasmic and lotus birthing. Labor HURTS, after all, and lotus birthing is just plain unnatural and certainly unsanitary, for goodness sake.

Another friend just finished watching “Away We Go” and wanted me to play a joke on his film partner by talking about some “fringe concepts” one of the main characters held about parenting. Apparently they had just compared me to the character in the film and decided I might be a little odd, but I wasn’t “totally nuts” like this character. Apparently she didn’t believe in using strollers (preferring a sling), practiced co-sleeping, etc. A few Q&A’s later it became obvious the character in the film follows Attachment Parenting / Continuum Concept principals and his voice got really small as he realized I’m investigating these philosophies. Naturally, I can’t wait to see the movie.

In the family members case, I think the concern was that I might be naive about the birth process. So, let me elaborate on a few points.

Now, I have to say that an orgasmic birth is possible, but I do realize that every birth experience is different and so many factors, including the babies position and my attitude, will have a lot to do with how everything goes. It’s not my GOAL to have an orgasm during the birth, my goal is to have a baby in a natural & normal way. Creating an environment where I can be mentally, physically and spiritually OPEN will make the process go much smoother, as getting your cervix OPEN is the whole point, right? The conditions needed to have an orgasm (which opens the cervix) can be mimicked during my birthing time to help me relax and OPEN so that I work with the process, not against it. Which means: low lights, relaxing music, only having people I can “let go” completely around, being a willing participant in the process, remove any mental to-do lists or thoughts of controlling the situation. And lots of coconut oil! If I happen to have an orgasm in the meanwhile, well, shoot, that would rule.

A word on pain. I do not like to use that word, but that does not mean I am naive about the birth process. It’s work, it take a lot of focus, and your body undergoes a tremendous process which is accompanied by pressure and your body is busy adjusting moment by moment which can cause changes in blood pressure, heart rate, equilibrium etc. Now, in a lot of cultures, it is normal to have a “painless” birth as that is what they expect – this does not mean they do not have a major physical experience. In our modern culture, it takes a lot of de-programming to get into a place where you’ve lost your fear of this natural process.

I am using a technique called hypno-birthing to help with this de-programming. It teaches relaxation and focus and helps you connect with your baby in the womb. It basically gets you out of your mind and into your primal self, the self that you must be in touch with in order to give birth.

My views are not nuts, they just aren’t common. And from what I’ve witnessed and discovered about the “common” approach to birth in America, I’ll stick with the uncommon and unconventional.

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6 thoughts on “Am I nuts?

  1. ack! oh man, sorry you’re getting flack for your views, i’m pretty surprised! I guess I may be in my own little dream world where different view points that are researched and carefully thought out are respected :\

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  2. oh, I’m not all that surprised. it’s hard to accept some of these ideas when you’ve believed so long in something else, firstly, and secondly if you’ve witnessed or experienced the pain a woman experiences during a typical labor, and has no other reference point. As a society, we believe giving birth is painful, and there is no dialoge about it being spiritual, ecstatic or otherwise empowering.

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  3. You aren’t nuts. I LOVE reading your blog and hearing your show, you’ve taught me a lot. I personally do not want children, but I do celebrate the births of people like yourself. I think that your child is going to be so lucky to have you as a mommy.

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  4. I can absolutely relate to hearing all sorts of, “really? well, I think you’ll change your mind about that.” when I expressed my opinions on attachment parenting and natural childbirth.

    So far, I can tell you that my baby is absolutely thriving, and my life is so much more peaceful because she is so accustomed to having me nearby at all times.

    As an example: I will say that bedsharing is, without a doubt, the BEST decision I have made as a new mom. With all the horror stories I hear about sleep deprivation, I am absolutely amazed that the “traditional” American sleep arrangement (crib in separate room) isn’t what’s considered crazy! All I have to do is roll over and offer a breast when she stirs in the middle of the night. She know she doesn’t even have to fully wake up… and neither do I! Most nights, Colin doesn’t even hear us stir at all.

    Just trust your instincts and listen attentively to your child. There’s no advice in the world that can stack up.

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    1. So glad to hear you are both doing well! I think the most disturbing thing is not that people have different opinions of course, but the manner in which they choose to share those opinions. Done lovingly and out of concern is one thing, but the manner in which most of the “advice” I’ve been getting continues to be delivered, models for me what “not” to do. It’s a wonderful reminder & lesson to be mindful of how to dispense our own opinions and advice. Granted, these incidents are extremely few and far between and usually come from folks who are not that close to me, so I lean on others for most of my support.

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