Free Falling…

I’m at a loss for how to start. I’ve retyped an intro multiple times. Is it because my brain turned to mush several weeks back when my milk supply went wonky when I had strep? The hormones made me just as unintelligent and emotional as when my milk first letdown after Maya was born. Let’s hope this IQ setback doesn’t last as long as the first go-round….I had gotten used to being able to speak in complete sentences again, and was starting to take thinking for granted. Not so fast, eh?

It’s been an interesting month. As previously mentioned, I was down for the count with strep and upon resurfacing, I was feeling very grateful that Maya’s first overnight went so smoothly and looking forward to her dad taking more time with her so I could figure out a way to earn more income. That’s when he broke it to me that he’s decided to move to LA. In five days. Now, being the optimist, I see that it is probably better for her for a number of reasons I won’t go into publicly, and I imagine that whomever is lucky enough to be a true papa to her is going to be the most amazing thing to walk this earth since Pa from Little House on the prairie. Maya and I both deserve that, and I know he’s in our future, no sweat there.
But all that optimistic viewing did not solve my dilemma of how to pay the bills. It’s a very long story, also not one I am going to talk about publicly, but my income has dropped significantly and I could no longer afford my living expenses so I moved my belongings into storage this weekend and am house sitting some dear friends very cozy place for the next couple of weeks while I figure out my next move. I’ve got a couple of interesting options on the table and am toying with the idea of an extended road trip to visit various friends across the country or perhaps a huge advance on a book deal will come through complete with an all expense paid residency at some beautiful cottage in Switzerland to knuckle down and write it. Or maybe a work-stay in the forest. I’m open. Really – got any suggestions?
Here’s the deal…. I know this appears to be a fall, and have had one too many bouts of crying with the word homeless said far too many times, but I suspect that that’s just the milk supply-hormone’s turning me into a blubbery mess. I do have a better appreciation for how people, good people, ones who have done right by community, family and friends can slide into situations that leave them dependent on food stamps and cash assistance. This brush with financial poverty brings with it an opportunity to become more self-reliant, DIY and even more interdependent with my community of friends. So, after I wailed on a friend’s shoulder last week about how it just doesn’t seem right that I’ve done all this good and I’m not able to keep a roof over my child’s head…. I am breathing deeply, always grateful for the many people in my life who are there for me, and waking up to a new day to dream up a new ideal life for myself.

So, let’s do just that.

Ideal life: Waking up in the arms of a sexy in every way man who cooks breakfast while I cuddle in bed with Maya. We always have access to fresh, homegrown food, and find time to relish meals together. Our possessions are handmade. All of them. Either by us or someone we’ve traded with. We are surrounded by lush and vibrant nature often. Good music is plentiful. Creation is our way of life. We travel the world for pleasure. We have an eclectic and entertaining group of forward thinking friends who we play with on a regular basis. Maya learns from doing, relating, experiencing, being part of nature. So do I. Ours is a cultured life, full of good books, theater, live music, art – from down home to big city. We work, but according to our natural rhythm and creative passion. We live a simple life that doesn’t require a large income, but we have an abundance of money because we do what we love. This can happen in the mountains, in the city, across the country or the world. We could be in an eco-village, airstream, yurt, log cabin or renovated rail car. Even just a simple house. Or a combination of the above. Basically, a Little House on the Prairie situation, if we get down to it. The kind that has me falling asleep tumbled up in the arms of one very lucky sexy man after we’ve sung Maya to sleep.

And so it shall be.